Naruto! Get the Plunger!
by Dark Chalice
Summary: Naruto gets cursed. Altrenate endings. First two chapters are short, but the third is long. Please read.
1. Default Chapter

Holy Fish! There's a Rabbit in My Toilet!

Naruto! Get the plunger!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me:uhhhhhh no comment.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I sure wish I did.

Note: all flames will be used to defrost my waffles.

It was pouring. No one noticed the blonde headed pre-teen rushing about the town,

franticly hurrying home. They were too wrapped up in their own problems to care about

any one else but themselves. Naruto was stumbling blindly through the frigid rain drops,

growing increasingly weary with each step. / I can't go....on / he started to see

double, and things started to grow dim and faint. Naruto fell into the dark abyss of

unconscious. When he finally came to, the first thing he laid eyes upon was....AN OLD  
  
GRANDMA!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! Naruto slowly got up. He was congratulated with

a slap on the side of the face with a fish. O.O "HEY YOU OLD HAG!!!!! WHY'D YOU

DO THAT!!!!!!!" Naruto screamed at the old woman. "geez, say it don't spray it!" she

replied. She smacked him again with the fish. "learn some manners! Gods. Kids these

days just don't know how to treat a beautiful lady with respect!" she mused.

"Beautiful? Like yourself much hag?"

me: sorry for the cliff hanger, but I didn't really have any idea for anymore. Oh,well.


	2. Continuing

OK…sorry that it's been awhile…but I've been buuuuuuuuuusy! Kay…anyhoo…I don't own Naruto, and if I did, Naruto and Sasuke should be forced to dance the can-can while wearing shower caps and eating nachos. So…on with the story!

Continuing where we left off…

"Like yourself much hag?"

The shriveled prune of a woman looked at Naruto like he had just smashed her car and she didn't switch to Geico yet. (A/N I don't own Geico, but if I did, everyone would get a free loofa with every insurance claim) "What's the matter? Did the ugly mountain fall on ya too hard when you were a baby or somethin'?" Naruto asked with a devilish smirk. Naruto was once again rewarded with a slap in the face with a fish. (Only BIGGER this time) "Whajya' do that for!" Naruto screeched. "HA! NINNY! YOU SCREAM LIKE A GIRL!" She then added to the insult by parading around the hut, shaking her stumpy butt in his face, and in a sing-song voice said "You scream like a girl-irl! You are a sissy! La-la-la-la-la-la!"

Naruto…did not take it well. "SHUT UP YA OLD HAG!" he yelled and literally kicked her in the butt. (which was quite boney might I add…) "OHHHHH! YOU DONE IT NOW, BI-ATCH! She screamed. " Bring it on, Gramma!"

Sorry…I can't continue this now, I have a friend over, you know her, you better love her or I'll blow you up with my BAZOOKA! ( now available at my own store I like to call SARA'S BAZOOKA BARN!) not real…sorry. Anyways…it's Banjkazfan! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

BKF: Yaaaay! I hate melody (from PKMN: the movie 2000)

But I like Yakko…' Yaaaay! huggles non-existent Yakko plushie What! NON-EXISTENT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! huddles in corner crying

DC: yeah…can I talk now? Thanks. Anyways…right now we're watching that PKMN movie so we can make fun of it. ( No offence to PKMN lovers) I don't like watching the show or the movies, but I have to say, ME LIKEY THE GAMEYS!

Anyway… I'll up-date A.S.A.P. See ya next chapter!


	3. actual long chapter

Dark Chalice: I'm SO sorry, I've been slacking off on this site for so long, but now I'm not! I even started a new story; The REAL Story of Pokemon. Check it out if you're interested and I'll..uh...give you some of my crackers! Looks over at **empty** bowl Or maybe not...Oh Well! Enjoy this chapter! (That's longer than the rest! YAY! )

**Chapter 3:The Curse**

Naruto bent into his famous stance,(you know, the one that makes him look kinda constipated?lol) and prepared for battle. The old hag smirked and started chanting.

_**White and fluffy,**_

_**Covered in fur,**_

_**Cooler than Buffy** (_the vampire slayer)

**_A running blur,_**

_**Send some bunnies,**_

_**TO HAUNT THIS INSOLENT CUR!**_

(I know that sucked, but I'm writing this as I go, so cut me some slack please.)

"Huh?" Naruto breathed. The old woman made a weird gesture with her right hand and Naruto winced. Nothing happened. "HAH! LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE ALL TALK!" Naruto shouted. "Humph. Shut it, Blondie!" She huffed. "No, YOU!"

"Baby Boy!"

"I bet you fart dust!"

"Spike Head!"

"Boney Butt!"

"Loud Mouth!"

"FISH MOLESTER!"

"Gasp You...take...that BACK!"

"You make love to Moby Dick!"

"I do NOT!"

"You get turned on when you see fish sticks!"

The old crone had had about ENOUGH of this, so she pulled a sweat sock out of her pocket. Naruto gasped. "You wouldn't!" She smirked again. " I would." Naruto passed out to the smell of hamloaf crossed with body odor.

**Elsewhere...**

_It's alright, It's alright_

_Cause the system never fails,_

_the good guys are in power and the bad guys are in jail._

Sakura was listening to the radio while brushing her hair. Today she was planning on asking Sasuke out again. So he rejected her a few times. So what! Quitters never win! (About the couples, I'll be doing alternate endings for almost every Naruto? I can think of. Depending on who Naruto is with, everyone else will be with someone different almost every time.)

_It's alright, it's alright_

_Just as long as we can vote_

_We live in a Democracy_

_And that's what we promote_

_Isn't it? Isn't it?_

"Maybe I should invite him on a walk? Or maybe out to Lunch?" Sakura murmured to herself. Her brow furrowed in frustration. If she didn't succeed with Sasuke, who else was there? Naruto and Lee flashed in her mind. "Definitely NOT Naruto." She grumbled. "Maybe Lee..." She shook her head furiously. "No! You love Sasuke! SASUKE! And you can't lose, not only because your love life is at stake, but you CAN'T lose to Ino!"

_It's alright, It's alright_

_If the news says half the truth_

_Hearing what we want is the secret to eternal youth_

_It's alright, It's alright_

_If the planet splits in three_

_Cause I'll keep selling records and you've got your MTV_

_If we forget about them don't worry_

_If they forget about us then hurry_

_How about a people who don't matter anymore?_

_If we forget about them don't worry_

_If they forget about us then hurry_

_How about a people that don't matter anymore?_

_East Timor. Timor. Timor._

Sakura sighed. It was times like this that she wished she had bought that girl magazine when she had the chance...

FLASHBACK

Sakura stepped eagerly into the store.The bell tinkled a little song signifying her presence. Her mission: Find the best quality box of chocolates at the lowest price. After all, Chocolate was a woman's best friend. Who needs diamonds! She bent down close to the candy counter. Something caught her attention in the corner of her eye. She turned her head in the direction of the magazine wrack. A hot-pink cover stood out amongst the rest.

She walked over; unsure. ** "LAND THE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE IN 1 WEEK OR LESS!** " was printed along the top in red bubble letters. Anxiety coursed through her body. Reaching out shakily, she lightly skimmed the glossy surface, when the bell chimed. Sakura's head whipped to the door. There stood Ino. Ino noticed Sakura immediately. "That's sad, Sakura. relying on **magazines** to try and win Sasuke? I knew you were pathetic, but this..." She then started to laugh.

Sakura's eyes narrowed and she shifted to an upright position. "No, just looking." And with that, she strode out of the store, pushing Ino out of the way as she passed.

_It's alright, It's alright_

_They don't show it all on TV_

_So we can't really know it_

_Just by watching BC_

_It's alright, it's alright_

_For our flag, we die or kill_

_As long as we don't know_

_We'd do it just to pay their bills_

_Let's keep tanning while it's sunny_

_They'll risk their hides to make their money_

_Now don't you find that funny_

_If we forget about them don't worry_

_If they forget about us then hurry_

_How about a people who don't matter anymore?_

_If we forget about them don't worry_

_If they forget about us then hurry_

_How about a people that don't matter anymore?_

_East Timor. Timor. Timor._

"I wish everything was alright." Sakura whispered and glanced at her reflection. It was now or never. Sakura gulped and left the room; searching for Sasuke.

Dark Chalice: What do you think? Definitely ALOT longer. Please review! You won't get a cracker, but it'll make me happy!


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